


A Conversation on Friendship

by IHeShe



Series: On Friendship. [2]
Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Gen, Graphic Description, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:40:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHeShe/pseuds/IHeShe
Summary: In which Ara comes to doubt her feelings towards everyone.
Series: On Friendship. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2136537
Kudos: 1





	A Conversation on Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Gore, Graphic Depiction of Violence, Torture.

**A Conversation on Friendship**

After the initial shock dissipated a bit, I... I think I ended up convincing myself that it had really been nothing more than a nightmare. I mean, that's what it was anyway but, you know, who would go as far as doing... that... for something as trivial as a slice of cake? Besides, Laby is such a sweet girl, I found it hard to believe she could be in any way related to someone as... twisted? Is that the word? As that woman. I didn't get her name back then. The very idea of asking about it never even crossed my mind. It was by pure chance that I heard Laby referring to her mirror as Nisha, some time after that night.

Now, that mirror never left her side, but it also didn't seem to do anything at all. And I thought, were it to really give people such visions over a simple cake, the others would have had them too at that point. But that clearly wasn't the case. Well, I could see someone like Lu or Add keeping it to themselves, but Chung, Aisha or the others would surely bring it up, regardless of how seriously they took it. ... I think so, at least.

I thought I had gotten over it. Laby is really outgoing and outspoken, maybe even a bit too much at times, but it's nice to finally have someone who can fully keep up with Elsword's restlessnes in our group.

I thought I had really decided that was just a nightmare. An especially horrible one, but still just a nightmare. But then I noticed something. Laby had started to seem a bit... worried, shall I say? Whenever she talked to me. I honestly couldn't understand why, until Raven asked me to have a private talk, just me and him.

A part of me honestly hates him for having waited that long before bringing it up, I can't deny it. Just a small part, but... I really shouldn't, he had no way of knowing the implications of what he told me after all.

It was my arm. Whenever Laby talked to me, I held my arm. Right where it had been cut off in that nightmare. I don't know if the others didn't notice it or simply considered it to be of no importance, but Raven told me I reminded him of the times shortly after he had lost his own arm. That worried him.

Raven is sharp. I believe he noticed my reaction when he told me that. I felt a chill run down my back. I told him it was nothing, hoping for that to really be the case, and our conversation ended there. He's not the type to force others to open up. Since then, I made a conscious effort to act even more relaxed around Laby but... I was a bit scared. I think I had been from that night, honestly, I just pretended I didn't know it.

I remember that I didn't really want to go to sleep that night. But sleeping I did, after all. And honestly, waking up just like every other day the next morning was... I felt almost elated, I must say. Yeah, I really was worrying about nothing.

That belief lasted just a day.

I stayed up a bit late the following evening. We all did, actually. A game of cards went on much longer than we had expected. I don't remember who won though. What I do remember is that I went to bed like always, or well, almost. Laby had asked me to sleep together that day. It came quite out of nowhere, but at that point none of us was really surprised by her sudden, occasional requests of that kind. I saw no reason to refuse. I think that's why, when I opened my eyes, I truly couldn't understand why.

The table. The table and the chair were exactly the same. The sight of those two things alone, it... dug into my mind, and brought back the memories of that first nightmare. I felt nauseous. Had the room been the same as well, I would have probably ended up vomiting. But at last that had changed.

I wasn't in a room at all, actually.

I was atop an hill, or that's the impression I got at least. There was a pleasant breeze, the sun was high, I could even hear some birds chirping. There was a faint but sweet smell in the air. I looked around and realized that I was sitting in some sort of glade surrounded by trees. Something felt off, yes, but... in a good way, I think? I was calming down. Maybe just a bit, but I was calming down.

I don't know where that hooded figure came from, but I know I jumped to my feet when I saw it approaching from the forest. It was only when I reached for my spear that I realized it wasn't there. Thinking about it now, the opposite would've been weirder.

My nervousness turned to confusion when I noticed that the man -or woman, I really couldn't tell- was headed towards the other end of the table, not towards me. And it was carrying a chair, one identical to the one I had been sitting on until mere moments earlier. It carefully placed it on the grass right opposite to where I was standing then simply... left. Then, severals more emerged from behind the trees, or at least that's how it looked like to me. Just like the first one, however, they paid no attention to me. Honestly, as unnerving as the mere sight of them was, when I saw what they were doing I felt almost... almost at ease.

They were setting the table. Plates, glasses, water, cutlery, everything.

I almost wanted to laugh, honestly. That didn't make sense, it really didn't, but... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad of how things seemed to be proceeding. I mean, the first time things looked... grim, shall I say? From the start.

Then she arrived, at last. The same woman from that nightmare.

As... friendly as everything looked, I couldn't keep myself from shaking a bit from every step she took, her bare feet calmly but switfly moving across the grass. She reached the other chair and turned towards me.

She greeted me. And she also bowed, politely at that, just like last time, while wondering aloud whether she should be saying good evening or good afternoon.

I didn't really find it in me to answer, though that didn't seem to bother her. But then she asked me what I wanted to eat, and I feared that remaining silent would have upset her. I asked for some tea, I don't think I'd have been able to actually eat anything but a drink, that I could still handle, or at least so I guessed. Another one of those figures emerged from the forest, placing a cup of tea down right in front of me before leaving again. Then a couple more arrived, placing some food in front of her before disappearing. What food, I honestly have no idea. I'm not even sure I ever really looked at that.

I think I was sweating. I went back to my seat and stared at the cup, wondering if I should have really had to drink that.

Don't get me wrong, it looked just fine, it had a great scent too actually but, you know... I had an hard time trusting her. She started eating, and then she spoke again, and her words took me by surprise.

She said she wanted to thank me. I honestly thought I had heard that wrong at first, and I think she noticed it herself as she repeated the same sentence a second time. Because I was being a good friend, apparently. Because Laby was enjoying her time with the Search Party, and with me in particular. Saying that I was wary of her would be a gross understatement but the way she spoke... it was probably because I insisted on remaining silent, but that woman continued to talk. About Laby. Exclusively about Laby. Everything in her speech was about her, and there was so much... there was such a deep affection in her words, such love, such an intense... that I... I found myself relaxing, yes.

I eventually decided to say something.

I asked her about her name. I mean, I was pretty sure she was Nisha, but I really didn't want to accidentally call her by the wrong one. She said that yes, that's exactly who she was. After that we just... we started talking. Well, I was more of a listener than an actual interlocutor to be honest, but we talked. And the topic was still Laby. What she did that day. What she ate that day. How she felt that day. What she did the previous day. What she ate the previous day. How she felt the previous day. What she did the day before that. What she... well, you get the point. I occasionally became a subject of the conversation too, but still only in relation to Laby. It was charming in a way, but at some point it actually became a bit... unsettling in its never changing subject.

Then I said something that seemed to upset her. It was a remark of sort, though I tried to word it more like a question. Basically, I tried to ask her for how long she and Laby had been friends. I had considered asking for how long they had known each other instead, but back then putting emphasis on their friendship seemed like a good idea.

But when I asked that, Nisha stopped talking. And for a moment... it was just for a brief moment, but... the way she looked at me sent a chill running down my spine. I'm not sure but I think I also grabbed my arm. I can still feel that pain at times, and that was one of those times.

As I said, that lasted for just a moment, after which she went back to her usual smile, one that I'd have probably considered warm if not for how our first... interaction had gone down. It still made me a bit... more than a bit uncomfortable, but only for association. Her facial expression in itself had nothing really threatening about it. Though I'm not sure if that makes it any better. Anyway, she asked me to avoid referring to the bond between her and Laby as, as she said, "something as shallow as friendship". She didn't sound upset, nor angry. She even made a point to explain that it wasn't my fault that I had thought of it in that fashion. Why, I'm not sure, and I didn't dare question her about it.

I remember looking back at the tea. It still looked hot, but I still didn't feel like drinking it. She had noticed it, but when she asked me why I just said I wasn't feeling thirsty. I like to think she believed that, but at the same time I doubt it. For a short while after that the conversation, or rather her half monologue about Laby, continued just like it did before, until she suddenly got up. I felt every muscle in my body tensing up in reaction, but I didn't move. I didn't want to upset her.

She thanked me again for being a good friend to Laby, which I have to say I found quite odd considering how she had described friendship just a short while earlier. But then she said that I was also making Laby worry. And that the reason we were there was to make sure that wouldn't happen again.

I started running. I got up and ran in the opposite direction from her, as fast as I could. I didn't know if I could take her on in a fight -I still don't know, actually- but at the time all I could think of was just getting away from her. I refused to look at my arm as I made my escape. On second thought it might have been a rather irrational fear but... I was scared I might see it still cut open from last time. If not... if not missing altogether. I could still feel it perfectly fine, yes, but... you know, I... I just... couldn't quite think straight I guess.

I'm quite fast, if I might say so myself, so I was sure I had put some distance between myself and her at that point. But then, as I kept pushing through the forest, I arrived there. Back there, at the glade. Not only that, but I also arrived on the opposite end from where I had left. Nisha was still there, standing next to her chair, smiling, that smile that sent shivers down my spine.

She said... she said that was enough fooling around. I had every intention of turning around and running away again, but before I could...

... have you... have you ever had your tendons cut? There's pain. Yes, that much is obvious. A sudden, sharp pain. And a sound, like a popping sound as the two halves of the tendon snap away from each other, and then you suddenly can't move a part of your body. I'm normally quick to realize when I get hurt and assess how bad the wound is, but that time it... took me a few seconds, or at least I think those were seconds, to understand what had happened. I looked down, and saw flowers. A few large flowers, blooming around my legs. They'd have been really pretty, beautiful even, if not for their thorns, those unnaturally long thorns, with my blood still dripping from it.

I'm not sure how I managed to keep myself standing after that, but I know that just staying on my feet was painful. But I could take it. I could still take it, if only because I knew what would happen were I to fall. I tried to take a step back, to get away, but... I guess the fact that I fell only at that point might be encomiable, in a way?

To be honest, what happened right after that is... blurry. I remember that I struggled, but... the next thing I remember clearly is lying face down on the table, that same damn table. I could still feel my limbs, but I couldn't move them. And I... honestly, I was too scared to look at what it was that kept me restrained.

I think I was screaming. That woman, Nisha, was there, of course she was. Crouched on the grass right in front of me. She said that, despite everything, I was making Laby worry. That I always seemed to be on edge around her, and that she had noticed it and was scared that she might be the cause. Scared that I might actually dislike her. That I might be putting up with her just to not annoy the others. And that we were there to make sure that wouldn't happen again. And her voice... there wasn't any malice in it. It sounds crazy, I know, but... all I could feel in her words was genuine concern for Laby.

I was sweating, of that I'm sure. And when I felt something cold cut through my clothes I realized I had hardly any time left. She was right, I never was really at ease around Laby. But that was only because that mirror, that woman, was always with her. How could I possibly relax around her after that... that nightmare? And that's what I told her. Or rather, I... well, I shouted it, in her face almost. I told her that. And that she was crazy. In what world would a slice of cake warrant doing that to someone? It was a dream, my body didn't really get hurt, sure, but the feeling... those... those I'll never forget, now matter how hard I might try.

She looked confused, at first. And while my clothes had been mostly cut off, nothing else had happened yet. That gave me hope, yes. I was still scared, scared, so scared, but for... it might have been only a second for all I know, but for what felt like an hundred years nothing happened. I kept staring at Nisha as she remained deep in thought.

... I wonder if the birds were still chirping.

Then she spoke. She asked me if I really thought that what she had put me through was worse than hurting Laby.

I won't say that I answered honestly. I'm... not the brightest member of the group, I'm aware of that, but even I had understood by then that all Nisha cared about was Laby. But I also knew that telling her no would have been the same as telling her she was free to do whatever she wanted, and I wasn't ready for that. I'll never be ready for that.

So I tried to reason with her. Hurting someone is never a good thing, sure. But I never screamed at Laby. I never treated her harshly. I never... really, I couldn't think of a single bad thing I had ever done to her! And I still can't! She could have just talked to me! I think I repeated that part at least half a dozen times! All she had to do was talk to me about it! Though... to tell the truth, I really don't think Laby ever felt that bad about anything I might have done. No, I think the one really bothered by those things, those tiny, insignificant things I didn't even notice was Nisha herself. But, well, that part I managed to keep quiet about, for better or for worse.

She started thinking then, thinking out loud. She said that yes, she had never experienced the things she had done to me personally, which meant there was a chance she had overreacted. That nothing I did warranted that treatment. And that she would try it herself before deciding what to do.

Thinking about it now, what she meant with those words was clear. Plain and simple, really. But back then I thought I had heard her wrong. One of those hooded figures walked behind her. It pushed her hair aside and then placed an hand on her back. And then it... it... I'm thankful I couldn't see it directly, but that... that sound, and what I saw right after as it... there were some sounds I didn't understand at first. All I could see was Nisha still looking at me with a smile on her face, though she seemed to be having some... difficulties keeping that expression. Then it happend. In just an instant. A single yank, accompanied with a noise... a noise that...

... sorry, I just... I just need a moment to...

...

...

...

...

...

...

... her... her spine.

That thing just... it grabbed her spine and it... pulled it off, ripping it from her body and, and then it just stood there and Nisha, she, I-I don't know, she gasped for air, she fell down and she threw up, I think she threw up but I wasn't looking, I didn't want to look, there was blood everywhere and even pieces of her flesh and there was this smell, this smell I wanted to get it out of my nose but I couldn't and then she just, like... she... she got back up, I don't know how, I don't even want to know how but she got up, she called me, she was looking at me and I don't know why I looked back at her but she was...

... she was smiling. There was blood dripping from her mouth, even from her nose and maybe from her eyes or maybe those were tears I don't know but she was smiling I swear she looked like she was in so much pain but she was smiling she was somehow smiling and then she spoke she said she said she told me that it hurt it really hurt but she sounded as composed as always and then she said it hurt more than she had expected and -

I... I don't think I should be saying this but I was happy. I mean, she said it hurt, right? She said it was painful, right? More than she would have thought? She did, yes, she did, she did that, yes. So I was happy. That meant she realized she was wrong. That she had gone too far, way, way too far, so she let me go, yes, she just let me go and...

... no. I'm sorry, I think I... you know, I actually dreamed about it, some days later, and... sometimes I... confuse the dream with the nightmare, I think? That's... silly of me, isn't it?

No. She really said she had underestimated how painful that was, yes. But then she continued talking. She was having troubles speaking but she said that just thinking about Laby possibly being even just a tiny bit unhappy was worse, that the thought alone of her allowing Laby to be sad was worse. She said it was worse, much worse, that it hurt her so much and for a moment, for just a moment she sounder... I truly cannot convey the sheer terror that filled her voice as she imagined Laby being sad. That was so... so overbearing that I forgot in what situation I was in myself, I... I believe... I believe I even felt bad for her there.

I think I spaced out at that point. Not as long as I... as I could've needed, but I spaced out. I mean, she got me thinking. But then she, you know, she pulled me back.

The sound I heard is not something I recognized, not immediatly. But I quickly realized what it was. Skin, tearing. Flesh, ripping. Bones, breaking. And... I couldn't see, it was happening behind my back... or, rather, it was happening to my back. It was the sound of steel clashing against steel. Then the pain arrived.

I screamed. I screamed so hard my throat went dry. I tried to get up, get away from there, from her, but my limbs weren't answering, responding to all my pleas with more pain. Then another sound followed and I... I almost wished the pain would just kill me, there and then. It was so intense, so excruciating, the thought of having to bear even just one more second of it terrified me. The only solace I could take was in not seeing what was happening, but... not picturing it in my mind took most, no, all of what little willpower I had left.

Then I felt something warm on my face. I tried to back away so suddenly it's a wonder how I didn't snap my own neck maybe but... well, in that situation I couldn't really get anywhere.

Those were Nisha's hands. She had placed them on my cheeks. She was warm, which in itself felt... wrong. There was so much of her blood on the grass beneath her, she couldn't possibly be warm... she couldn't even possibly be alive in that state, though... thinking about it later, that probably went for me as well.

She tried to calm me down. Like, can you imagine... I was going through hell, she was making me go through hell and yet she... she tried to relax me. She said that she now knew how much it hurt, and that it would be over soon. I yelled back at her. I don't remember what I said, I really can't recall any of the exact words, but I'm sure I yelled at her. It was... somehow distracting me from the scorching pain in my upper back. A bit. Only a tiny, little bit, but even something as small as that was a relief of sort, insignificant as it might have been. Then came another... another strike, another series of horrific sounds, and the pain... my voice died in my throat.

I... I know exactly how many more times that happened. Not because I counted them, no, I was in so much pain there was no way I could keep track of anything. I just saw later what it is that was happening. I don't know when it is that I had started crying, either. All I knew was that the sounds would come back, and with them more pain, and more, and more, an amount I didn't even think was possible to feel. And Nisha was always there, talking to me, trying to... to get me to relax.

I managed to say something myself, at some point. I... think I shouted? I know I wanted to shout, but I honestly don't know if I were still able to do that. What I do know is that I accused Nisha. I accused her. I said that it was her fault, it was all her fault. That if she really cared about Laby that much then she should have warned me before I could really do anything to worry her.

She agreed.

She agreed and I... I... almost wish she didn't, because what she did later... she said I was right, I was at least in part right, and that so... so she should have experienced the same. That she was putting me through that because of what I did to Laby, so I was right that Nisha herself should go through the same things, but I never meant that. But I couldn't bring myself to stop her. A part of me... a part of me was happy. Because I knew she was going to suffer too. I... I hate myself for this, I really do, but that thought... it made me happy at the moment. But even that didn't last. She... she raised her arm and one of those figures, one of them grabbed her hand and it just... it placed a saw against it and started...

... it started to...

...

...

...

...

I threw up. I don't know if my vomit ended up on her or not, she was right in front of me after all, but I honestly... don't care. She kept smiling as the saw cut through her skin, her flesh and then her bones, she smiled, she smiled and smiled but she was in pain but she smiled and... the stench, there was such a foul stench in the air by then, and then her arm got cut off completely and she almost fell, I don't how with what strength she clung to the table but she didn't fall and she looked at me and she said... she said that we were almost even. That we just had to finish my back. And as she said that, as those words left her mouth she reached for something and showed it to me.

It was... mine. A part of me. A vertebra. One of mine, with bits and pieces of... of me still...

I threw up again. And she just, that woman, she, she patted me on the head, she patted me as if to comfort me as if she wasn't the whole reason I was in that situation as if...

Then came another strike. I don't know how they were doing it, I don't want to know, but... now I was fully aware of what they were doing and... the pain, it... it felt even worse, even more... with every bone they took from my spine I felt like I could die at any moment, I should have died but I didn't, no, I just kept... suffering... and... and suffering, and suffering and suffering and suffering and...

...

...

...

...

...

...

I know how many times I experienced that pain, that pain that words can't even hope to describe. I know how many vetrebrae are in my spine. But I don't know how long it took. What I do know is that, at some point, Nisha told me that she was leaving. I was too... too... I didn't have the strength to be relieved about that, I'm not even sure I even realized what she had just told me. I'm not even sure how I managed to hear her, my heart was beating so fast it was filling my ears. Then she said she was sorry.

Not about my arm.

Not about my spine.

Not about my pain.

Not about my fear.

No, she wasn't sorry for any of that.

She said Laby was about to wake up, and she apologized that she had to leave before me. Then she turned around and walked away and I... I just... I didn't want to look at her, at... at that but I couldn't take my eyes off... it was such a... a sight, seeing her about to fall with every step, one arm missing, and then... then the wind blew and moved her hair and... the... the hole in her back... the ditch where her spine was supposed to be... I knew already that it had been ripped off but actually seeing it, I just...

But my own spine was still a bit inside me apparently, because I felt another piece getting yanked off. After that I'm... I don't know, it was all just... pain, and nausea, and... not... not much else, just that, over and over and over and over and over, but...

I'm not sure when I woke up, but when I did I was alone. Laby wasn't around, nor was the mirror. I got to the bath as quickly as I could and threw up. More than once. And I ran my hands over my back. It felt... normal. Healthy, even. I didn't dare looking at it, but it felt... fine.

It still hurt. But there were no wounds. I washed my mouth for... at least a dozen times before going back to our bedroom. Rena was sitting on her bed, I think I woke her up when I ran out. And Laby too, she had come back from wherever she had gone off to. They asked me if I was fine. I was pale, apparently, and I looked rather... well, I made sure to avoid looking in the mirror in the bathroom but I could still picture it very well. I told them it was nothing, what else was I supposed to say, and Laby offered me something.

A sweet.

She said she had woken up that early because she had suddenly gotten hungry, noticed that I didn't look so good and grabbed one for me as well. As a matter of fact, she did have a second one in her other hand. I looked at the mirror, Nisha, still there, still behind her, ever watching and ever vigilant, and I thought about the way she had spoken of Laby and I wondered...

I wondered if I've ever really felt anything towards anyone? I know this might sound stupid, or maybe even crazy, but... the way Nisha cared about Laby, the sheer intensity of her affection... compared to that, I really... I really couldn't help but feel like I never truly felt any emotional attachment to anyone. Even my brother, even what I felt for him... was it really anything other than a shallow, superficial love?

Laby asked again.

What I said at that point, you ask? Well, if you ask me, I think I said what any friend would have said. Laby and I are friends, after all. I apologized for not having answered immediatly. I was still sleepy.

And I asked her if she wanted to eat mine as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this came out much, much sooner than I had expected. It was suggested to me to write this sort of pieces in the first person and here we are, I guess that combined with the content itself probably makes this a really unusual work coming from me.
> 
> As for why this arrived so early, well, that's because I apparently suck at reading through tags and didn't notice that the slice of life comedy I decided to play to relax a bit included horror and bloody scenes. Nothing traumatic, far from it actually but... you know, it gets one in the mood.
> 
> Anyway, that's all. Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed.


End file.
